December

I always feel like I should write something really profound, but it's not particularly easy. This month has been a time of growth for me. I often find it difficult to think of what I want, rather than what I should or shouldn't do. This month I did what I wanted, and I've really enjoyed myself. I maintain fairly high standards for myself, and I think I have a rather convoluted idea of the truth of my own story. It's good for me to break loose sometimes and just live. I actually feel that I've matured a bit this month in new ways.

I was very happy to have some old friends come home to visit! Rick even came back from the army for Christmas and the New Year. I won't be able to visit my friends for the next few months because I'm saving up my payed time off from work to visit Dot on the east coast. That will be in April. Also in April I'm planning to move again to a new house. Just looking for a change. I want to be closer to my friends and family, even though I'm still lucky enough to have them in the same town. I don't want it to be inconvenient for people to come visit me. I'll start looking in February or March.

Today I played Dungeons and Dragons for the first time...I feel like such a nerd but that is a very fun game. :) I reached level 2—WOW! Anyway, the only other thing that's new is that I got a promotion at my job! I'm being partially moved up to the office. I'm still the primary shipper for the company but they need help with order entry, and since I'm familiar with everything, having worked in the back, it's pretty easy to pick up the whole beginning process. I now make the orders that I was normally pulling and shipping. It's much more mentally challenging than my other duties, and one lady (who's been there for 10 years) said it's the most frustrating job. So far, though, I really enjoy it! It's really nice to use my brain more; it requires a great deal of concentration and accuracy, and there's also a time crunch—I've been given a raise as well.

I may be rethinking my entire future. I've spoken with a number of people, and it comes down to two things: Either I can take a straight path to a career that I may or may not enjoy, or I take a very windy path to a career that I really enjoy. Everyone has told me to do something I enjoy. I would honestly rather be happy than have a lot of money or be supermodel skinny or have a husband with a lot of money. Of course, I want to be secure, but I'm not really worried about that. I know I can survive just fine on my own; I'm proving that right this second. What I want to do for the rest of my life should be something I love. I have high expectations for myself, and I know I can succeed. I also know it will be difficult, but the journey I take should be spent loving my life rather than worrying about money. We're not going to take it with us when we die. If I have the drive—and I believe I do—I know I can succeed.

I know I'm being very ambiguous, but I don't want to expose too much when I'm not completely sure of what I want to do. Right now I'd like to just do well in school and get in shape! I've been going to the gym. Agh, it's getting late. I need to get up early for work. I bid thee farewell. Thanks for reading!

Waffle

The past month has been pretty wonderful overall. For Halloween I visited a best friend of mine, Sue, in Texas for her birthday. I didn't tell her I was coming; she was so surprised. :) Also, I got my nose pierced! It was excruciating, but I really love it. I have to keep it in for 6 weeks after getting it pierced, so I can take it out sometime in December. We also saw Paramore live in concert! The weekend after Texas I visited Kent at U of O and had one of the best waffles of my life. I'm planning to visit my grandparents for Thanksgiving, and my dad will be there too! I'm probably going to take a train. The only other thing is I joined a gym today and lifted weights. I'll go every Friday so I'll be exercising three times a week instead of just two with Zumba. Otherwise, there aren't really any changes in my life right now. I'm still not sure if anyone reads this, but there you go.

Here's An Update

I'm Out!

Sadly, I don't have any pictures for this entry, as I haven't been out and about much lately. However, I do have some very exciting news: I have finally found a place to live. I'll be renting the master bedroom of a little place in a suburb area close to my work. I was told it's a cop neighborhood so a police officer lives in like every other house. I'll be with two guys, one is a staff member at Teen Challenge, and the other goes to the community college. They're both responsible and the fellow on the lease was looking for someone responsible who will not throw parties at the house since he isn't there very often. Plus I showed up on time so I gained some points for that. I can start moving in October 21st. It's really a terrific situation for me; it's a safe place, the roommates are reliable, I can park in the garage, I get my own bathroom and a big room, and it's close to my work. And I can afford it. I can continue to save my money—did I mention that I don't have to take out any loans while I get my general eds out of the way? I'm just very excited. I'll probably start packing up my belongings soon. Agh, and I need to make another video! :)
One last thing, I have a gig to perform. On the 23rd I'm going to be playing at the Wine Shop downtown from 7 to 9. I am so nervous but so excited.

Downs and Ups

The past few weeks have been full. I've been searching for an apartment or a house or something so I can move out of my mom's house. There's nothing wrong with where I live now, and technically I'm free to do as I please, but I just don't feel completely independent living here. I met two people, both of which didn't work out, and I've been on Craigslist constantly, as well as websites for apartment companies and different property management companies. It's frustrating not finding something, or almost having a place and something going wrong. It's put me under a lot of stress. I'm meeting someone else tomorrow night, so we'll see how that goes.

If I had a good friend that wanted to live with me I would just search for a two bedroom apartment or house and share the costs, but alas, the majority of my close friends have all moved away to various universities. It's hard making new friends. Last week was my first week of school, and I really loved it. My Zumba class is easily my favorite; I was smiling almost the whole time. It is such a fun way to get in shape. If you've never heard of it, it's an intense aerobic dance workout. We're going to learn different routines for different songs, and we get graded on our participation—not our dancing skills (thank goodness). There's a lot of jumping and squats and tons of moving around and clapping and AH! It's so freaking. I have that Mondays and Wednesdays. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have Writing 121 and Spanish 201. I have a friend from high school in my writing class so it's quite enjoyable. And I just love love Spanish and my teacher is great, so that's a great class too. I may have one friend; she's in my Zumba and my Spanish. It's hard to make friends though! Especially (for me) making girl friends. For some reason I find it much easier to talk to guys. I always feel like girls are judging me, or something. Hopefully I'll make some girl friends this year—I should considering my Zumba class consists entirely of women.

Also, last week was a rather stressful time at work. My manager was out for the week and all of the shipping and handling business depended on me and two of my coworkers. I did all of the shipping almost entirely on my own. And (of course) there were multiple situations that rarely ever happen, and we had to figure them out on our own. I'm really quite proud of us, though. We took care of business and got it done.

Lastly, the most amazing thing happened to me last night. I was walking around downtown at Art Walk and a man stopped me. He said, "Excuse me, but have you ever done any modeling?" I was completely shocked. I laughed and said no. He then told me about this product his company is selling—Flamethrower Firewood. He told me to go to Fred Meyer's and look at Duraflame firewood. It has a picture of a girl on the front. He said I have a great "girl next door" look. (Ha!) It would be me, the firewood, and blazing fire behind me. He's still looking for the fireplace and he'll be in touch with me. I'm gonna take my mom with me, so you all can just chill out about it being sketchy or weird or whatever. I'm very excited. :) And it was just really nice to hear; it really brightened my evening.

I'm thinking this summer I'd like to study abroad in Costa Rica. I have plenty of time to save up, and it seems to be the only study abroad program that will allow me to continue my Spanish education into higher levels (beyond Spanish 203, which I'll be taking spring term). It would be such a great experience. Anyway, that's all for now. I'll write upon the next big development.

Fork Lift!

The past month has had some downs but a lot of ups. My friends have all now left for college (except C-Bo, who is staying in town, and all those high school folks) and my life has been mostly all about my job. I totally love the people I work with and I've learned several new skills. First off, I learned how to ship, and second, today I became fork lift certified. Frickin' sweet. And I'm gonna Skype with Rick soon! He's in Georgia at basic army training. It'll be great to talk to him. Really not much is new. I just bought my books and I'm hoping to meet someone within the next couple of days and hopefully become their roommate and move into a duplex...FINGERS CROSSED!

Oh by the way I went to an MGMT concert and it was awesome!

Original Song

I wrote this song during my senior year of high school and recorded it on GarageBand. Enjoy!

A Change of Plans

I regret to report that my big plans for college have drastically changed. My dad applied for a loan but he was denied, and I am not willing to take out a loan for general eds—to put that on myself and him. He already has debt, and I'm not going to contribute to it. I have a few thousand dollars saved already and I've decided to go to the community college here in town. I can keep my job and keep saving, so I can head up to Western in a year or two. It won't be as expensive once my brother starts going to college too. It's been a stressful week. I still have to cancel everything at Western, tell my roommate I won't be her roommate, and start the registration process at COCC. I'm also working on finding an apartment. The thing about going to WOU that I was most looking forward to was moving out, but I can still do that.

On a happier note, I met Olan Rogers at his Eat a Slice with Me tour in Seattle on the 4th! He's such a swell guy. :) And he'll be back next year in Portland, so I'll get to see him again. Also, I took my brother instead. I've been working on making more videos lately and I'd like to think they're improving.

Not much else is new. Friends are starting to leave for college and I've been trying to get in a little time with each one. Right now I just want to fast-forward to the time where I have no stress...

Camping, Working Out, and Anticipation

I'm probably going to regret writing this because it's past 10:30 at night and I'm planning on waking up at 5:30 so I can go work out in the morning before work. I'm not quite sure if that's going to happen...but I have to write!

Today I got back home from a camping excursion with my family. It was quite nice, but I'm glad to be back sleeping in a bed and not the hard ground. I'm pretty sure we always eat better when we're camping than we do at home. Like I said before, I was planning to work out—I worked out before work three times last week, taking advantage of the fitness club membership my mom recently got for the family. I've been using the treadmill, I ran a mile on Monday, a mile and a half on Tuesday, and two miles on Wednesday. After that I was exhausted and needed a break so I took the rest of the week off. The hard part is getting re-motivated. I really don't know about tomorrow though, considering how much I'm catching up on the computer with videos, pictures, and this little blog...ugh. I just kind of know there's no turning back now. It's futile.

I'm really looking forward to next weekend. Saturday morning at 8 am, Kent and I will be driving up to Seattle for Olan Rogers' Eat a Slice With Me tour. I cannot freaking wait to meet him. He is definitely one of my favorite people to watch on Youtube and I feel so lucky to have this opportunity. Plus I love Seattle!!! I'm going to take so many pictures, just you wait.

Not much else is new, work is boring lately and I'm still waiting to hear about my dorm and who my roommate is. I'm saving as much as I can. I know I'll have loads to talk about after next weekend.

KFiz and KSue

One of the greatest joys in my life is spending a chunk of my summer with my life-long friend Sue. This Friday I'm driving up to the valley to meet them at her grandparents' house. On Sunday we'll return and there will be much rejoicing! I learn something new every year with her—she as considerably more knowledge about style, shopping, makeup, and feminine things in general than I do. In just a little over a week I'll have to bid her adeau when she returns to her home in Texas. I always forget she's a grade below me (California and Oregon elementary schools had slightly different age policies) because she seems to be exponentially more mature than I am. There are so many things I want to do with her, but I won't spoil it, since there's a chance she'll read this. She is actually one of the few people to actually watch my Youtube videos. (THANKS GIRL!) I'm just really looking forward to Friday. :)

One of the things I love about her is that she is always honest with me. She's one of the most accepting people I know but she won't take shit from anyone, myself included. I was chatting on Facebook with her once and I was busy with something so I didn't respond immediately. She sent me this message.

You want to know what I love about Facebook... It shows you when people have seen that you sent them a message. Haha awesome right?
But dude seriously I know you. You would at least have the decency to tell me your busy... Or you just don't want to talk right now. But for the love of god. Don't show me that you have seen my message and then toss it like its a bag of moldy tangerines!

Yes, we are big dorks and quote UHF (with Weird-Al Yankovic) of all movies. But seriously, the world would be better if more people called each other out on things. She has a way of making me reflect on myself and I try to be a better person with her. Not many people can do that for me, and I really, truly appreciate it. More people ought to call me out on some things, I can be kind of a bitch. Rather, I can be a total bitch. Trust me, though, I've been working on it for years. I'll write again when some more exciting things happen—I've just been working this week and it has been so slow!

[I don't have any new pictures yet, but I promise I will have loads come next week!]

4th of July

This morning at 4 am I took Dot to the airport. She was visiting for about a week. I'll miss her. Besides a terrible sunburn on the 4th during a river float, the week was wonderful! Dot and I made several Youtube videos, and they're on my channel. I got Thursday and Friday off work and now it's the weekend. I've begun paying for gas with each paycheck and this week will be a struggle. I have to wait until Friday to get payed and have about $9 that I'm willing to spend on gas. Now that Dot is gone I want to go back to my lifestyle in which I work out every couple days. I have so many things I need to do and it feels like I don't have much time...I do though, I think...I don't know. It's 6:42 in the morning and I'm running on less than 2 hours of sleep. I'M TIRED.

My Youtube channel is at www.youtube.com/1kaitlinmarie

Things are Settling

It seems a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I am for sure going to Western in the fall, and tomorrow I'm going up to the school to register for classes. I may not even need to take a math class (fingers crossed). Also today I received my first pay check and put a big chunk into my college savings. I am well on my way. Dot is coming to visit on Sunday!!! I can't wait. I'm planning on having a lot of fun, and it's nice because I get a four day weekend for 4th of July. On the other hand, Rick is leaving on Sunday for the army. I'm really going to miss him. I'll have to wait a few weeks before I can hear from him, but luckily I get to see him on Saturday before he goes.

I've been getting so wrapped up in my schedule and my job, just working working working, that I tend to forget how little I see my friends. I try to see at least a few people each week, but I miss everyone so much. My boss was very cool though, he asked to talk to me and told me not to hesitate to ask for time off if I want to do some big thing with friends or family—he wants me to have a life, just like my mom. Every once in a while it hits me how out of touch I am and I feel lonely. I really want to reach out to the people I hold most dear.

I spent a bit of time last weekend in the valley with my family, and I'm excited to see them again tomorrow. Before long I'll be living there and I'll get to hang out with them all the time. I'm so grateful that I'll have people I love so nearby. I won't be totally alone. That would be so difficult for me, and I can only imagine what so many people experience.

I really should pack. I have to get to the school at 9 a.m. so we have to leave quite early. Good night!

P.S. I've been working out. ME! I feel great, and now I can touch my toes on a regular basis. It's kind of a big deal.

These are some photos from last weekend.

Cousins <3

Dang Rice

Well, that didn't take long. I received my financial aid award letter in the mail yesterday, and I spent a lot of time stressing out about what I'm going to do. With scholarships or grants, money from family, and money from my own pocket, it will still cost me about $15,000. I have come across the need to decide to try to save money and change my plans or to take out loans and go with my original plan.

I really want to go to WOU, and loans are a large part of many peoples' lives. I would pay them back over time in the future once I start a career after getting a degree. Sign Language Interpreting is a pretty promising career, if I do say so myself, but let's be honest here—loans suck. On the other hand I have the option to go to the community college for a couple years, save some money, get general eds out of the way...and completely change my plan. Live at home. Not be on my own.

My dad is pushing for one thing, and my mom is pushing for the other. Both have pros and cons. This is very difficult for me, and really I'm just looking for support while I think it through. I told Kent about it yesterday and he came right over. Now I'll tell a wee little story that I find funny in hindsight.

I was very emotional because of stress, hunger, and a headache. I went to make myself a bowl of rice and Joe, Kent and I were tossing grapes around to catch in our mouths. I had just pulled the rice bowl out of the microwave and Joe said "Kaitlin, catch!" and full-on chucked the grape at me straight on. It scared the shit out of me, and I flung the rice all over the floor. I just burst into tears.

Isn't that just plain sad? Ugh. I know things will work out eventually...even if eventually takes years.

The Real World

I have recently entered "the real world," and alas, my journey into adulthood has begun with 8 hours of work each day and desperate attempts to spend time with my friends. I do enjoy my job, though. I guess you could say I just have much less playtime. I have 99 days to prepare myself emotionally, financially, and physically (I keep telling myself how much I need to work out) to move out and truly be off on my own. I'm so excited, but I will definitely need to use those 99 days as much as possible. I'm waiting to get my reward letter in the mail and to figure out all the financial aspects. Then I'll get to move on to the more fun parts of moving out, like buying spatulas and lightbulbs.

I think I have grown more as a person this year than any other year of my life. There are so many things I've discovered about myself, and knowing those things have helped me be a better person. The hardest part is that people have gotten hurt through it all. But I have definitely had worse years.

As a freshman, I was very much still in my middle school mindset of not caring what people think. Who cares if I make a fool out of myself? It's not that that's a terrible thing, but I was pretty immature. I was friends with a new girl, we'll call her The Mrs, and we had so much fun. Unfortunately, we grew apart the next year. We're still friends, but she switched schools junior year. I slowly grew out of the shenanigans as a sophomore (not entirely, don't worry), once I found my best friends. We'll call them Kent and C-Bo. Sophomore year, however, seemed to primarily revolve around Gonzo. We grew very close and he was actually my first boyfriend. He's still my friend today. My friendship with Kent mostly grew in junior year. Junior year was my sit-down-do-work-focus-on-school year, and I was very quiet. That was my one year of high school in which I got straight-A's. Many things changed that year: I quit softball, got a part-time job, Gonzo and I grew apart, then back, C-Bo and I grew very close, C-Bo became my second boyfriend, we broke up, I made friends with Rick, Kent and I were close...summer. My last close girl friend, Dot, moved away. It was just me and the guys.

I truly blossomed my senior year. I branched out, I spoke up, and I went after what I wanted. At the end of my junior year I decided to be a part of the school musical, Fiddler on the Roof. I got to know a whole slew of wonderful people, and it really helped me come out of my shell. I finally spoke in class by my own free will! In January, I joined the top jazz choir, Skyliner Jazz for the second semester. I had almost auditioned at the end of junior year, but I was reluctant to have a full schedule—I was going for an honors diploma—so I didn't. But I ended up taking on the full seven classes second semester. It wasn't so bad since I skipped the busy winter season caroling. Choir has been a huge part of my life these past years, and I'm really going to miss everyone. Choir gave me boyfriend number 3 and my girl Alis. (I'm sorry, I know all these code names must be hard to keep up with.) She's a year under me. I made so many friends this year, it was amazing. Near the end of the year I grew close with another boy, Leo. That caught me completely by surprise, and I still hang out with him.

I don't know what I would do without all of these people, or what I will do without all of these people. I love them all so much, and it's so hard not to see them. We're all going to be in different places (except Kent and C-Bo, they're going to the same college) and I'll just have to do my best to keep in touch.

I didn't expect to write this much, wow, apologies. There is so much more to those four years than a couple paragraphs, but I just cannot freaking wait for the next chapter of my life to really begin. I could write a book about everything that's happened—in fact I have, 10 journals to be exact—but the first pages of this next stage have begun. Although the plot has started out pretty boring, I can see the climax ahead.

PAALLLEEEEEAAAAASE try to keep your mind out of the gutter. ;)

Happy trails!